Attack is the best form of Defence

According to Rio Ferdinand, the £(obscene amounts)-rated defender, quoted from the Manchester Evening News in Soccernet:

"'I understood where the United fans were coming from about the whole contract issue and a couple of goals for me in the derby would well and truly put it all to bed. In fact I would take one goal,' he told the Manchester Evening News."

Hello? You're being paid to defend, not score goals. Others are being paid £(obscene amounts) to score goals. You're being paid £(obscene amounts) to prevent the opposition from scoring goals, you n!tw!t.