Update!

Apologies for not posting for that long. We, the Citizens, have been, well, workingforthegovernment.

 

Update: We, the Citizens... will with effect from July be workingforthegovernment in NIE!

Pun for the day

"an unemployed jester is nobody's fool"

These are good ones...

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

Le theif
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:

"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

A Dog Named Mace
A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass on the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside.
The grass eventually became overgrown. One day the mechanic was working on a car in the backyard and dropped his wrench, losing it in the tall grass.

He couldn't find it for the life of him, so he decided to call it a day.

That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight.

Realizing what had happened he looked toward the heavens and proclaimed,

"A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!"

The smallest and most sexy USB drive yet...

Drool...... 


One of the better innovations in the memory card arena. Everyone must be kicking themselves now... "Now why didn't I think of that!"

It has all the works - standard SD card functionality, and it folds up to reveal a USB connector, which is da bomb!

Wonder how the Gahmen security agencies are going to stop people from bringing these around.... hmm.

And it comes in 512Mb and 1Gb sizes. Now that's a wrap. However, it's currently only available from Harvey Norman. Some kind of exclusive distribution rights. Hmph. Now i can't go to SLS and haggle. Bleah.

Good (or bad) Pun

There was once a very influential farmer in a remote part of China, who had a problem. His chickens were losing their feathers and dying. H sought the counsel of the two wise men in town, Hing, who was a scientist, and Ming, who was a sorcerer.

Hing, who has had many advanced course hours in poultry science, consults the classic text in poultry disease, "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Diseases of Chickens, But Were Afraid to Ask." In the book Hing finds a reference to the report of a study showing that feeding the chickens with an infusion of gum tree leaves is often a remedy for chickens losing their feathers. Meanwhile Ming reads obscure writings of ancient wise men, he meditates, and he reads tarot cards and examines the entrails of a pig. Getting no inspiration he uses his old standby, reading tea leaves. In a spark of discovery, it comes to him that an infusion of gum tree leaves is the cure.

So the two wise men report back to the influential Chinese farmer. Ming says, "As gum sticks to tables and chairs, so shall an infusion of gum tree leaves make feathers stick to chickens." Hing agrees, saying "Studies show that infusions of gum tree leaves alleviate feather loss in chickens." The influential Chinese farmer is ecstatic, for the two wisest men in town are of a single mind. He decides to follow their recommendation. It does not work.

Moral of the Story: "All of Hing's courses and all of Ming's ken couldn't get gum tea to feather a hen."

Headline News

Pint Sized Fortune-Teller escapes from Jail

 

Small Medium at Large.

Alice in Wonderland

Alice asks, "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" The Cat replied, "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to." "I don't much care where-," Alice said. "Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat. "So long as I get some-where," Alice added. "Oh you're sure to do that," the Cat replied, "if you only walk long enough."

Pun!

Q: What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

A: I don't know, and I don't care.

Reagan Carrier Strike Group Makes Port Visit to Singapore

As reported on the "Official Web Site of CVN 76", the USS Ronald Reagan, the US's newest Nimitz-class aircraft carrier is visiting Singapore.

In the spirit of "friendship-building" and "goodwill-generating", the USN has invited members of the RSN to tour the carrier *hint hint*.

=)

Gandhi

Seems the season for reminiscence (did i spell that right?) and revisiting old memories...
---
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....
























(This is so bad, it's good) .....



















A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Anyway...

Thanks Boon for this. It did make me think and remember the times this was read at devotions...

---

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
- Mother Teresa

Friends

Ever had the occasion where you meet your old classmates and people who say they'll show up end up NOT showing up?

Or those who say they'll be _SLIGHTLY_ late and phone you 4 hours later to ask "where are you?"

Or the man who, despite a 12.30pm meeting time, answers the phone at 12.45 with "Err i just woke up..."? And then promises to show but doesn't?

Thanks to those who bothered to show up anyway. It was fun.

Sigh.

An Exercise in Arithmatic

Q: If you have 5 friends and 5 dollars and you give 2 friends 1 dollar each, what do you have left?

 

A: 2 friends.

Quote for the Day

"I barely have time to avoid the work I already have"

-Wally