shit.

The Ideology and Religion Shit List
Compiled by Bob Schroeck
Agnosticism (1) - What is this shit?
Agnosticism (2) - Maybe there is shit or maybe it happens; then again, maybe not.
Altruism (1) - Want some shit?
Altruism (2) - Let me give you my shit.
Americanism - Who gives a shit?
Amish - Shit dost occur.
Anal Retentivism - Keep your shit to yourself.
Anglicanism - Our shit doesn't stink.
Apathism - I don't give a shit.
Archimedesmism - If I had a lever that's long enough, and a place to stand, I can move the earth -- even if it is full of shit.
Aristotlism (1) - Once a shit is stretched by an idea, it never again happens in its original shape.
Aristotlism (2) - Shit is real.
Neil Armstrong - This is one small shit for me, but one giant heap for mankind.
Asatru - If shit happens, blame it on Loki.
Atheism (1) - I don't believe this shit.
Atheism (2) - There is no shit.
Ba'Hai - All shit is truly shit.
Baptist - You are shitting wrong, therefore you'll be punished.
Baptist Fundamentalism - Shit happens because the Bible says so.
Blondism - I'm stupid as shit.
Bowdlerism - **** happens.
Branch Davidianism - Shit burns.
Breathairians - We don't have to eat that shit.
Buddhism (1) - Shit happens.
Buddhism (2) - If shit happens, it really isn't shit.
Bushism (1) - What shit?
Bushism (2) - Read my lips, no new shit.
Calvinism - Man is nothing but shit.
Calvin-and-Hobbesism - Man, this shit is fun.
Caninism - Shit happens in the neighbor's yard.
Capitalism (1) - Do you buy this shit?
Capitalism (2) - How much will this shit cost?
Capitalism (3) - Shit happens, and it'll cost you!
Carmensandiegism - Where in the world is that shit happening?
Cartesianism - I shit, therefore I am.
Catholicism (1) - If shit happens, you deserved it.
Catholicism (2) - Everybody gets shit.
Chauvanism - We may be shit, but you can't live without us.
Chestertonianism - Shit is the farthest thing from shit.
Christian Fundamentalism - The belief that Hell is where everyone must mind their own shit.
Clintonism - I didn't inhale the shit!
Commercialism - Let's package this shit.
Communism (1) - It's everybody's shit.
Communism (2) - Everyone's shit is everyone else's shit.
Computerism - Why won't this f@@@ing shit work?
Confucianism - Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Constipation - My shit just won't happen.
Contract Theory - If we don't agree to form society, everything will go to shit.
Creation Science (1) - We have proof that God created all the shit that happens.
Creation Science (2) - Shit happens all at once.
Creation Science (3) - ...And the Lord said "Let there be shit"...
Dadaism - Blue shit rumage Idaho potato.
Dadism - Your mom knows her shit.
Daffy Duckism - It's *my* shit! Down, down! Go, go! Miiiiine!
Darwinism - We came up from shit.
Deja Vu - I think this shit happened before, but I'm not sure.
Descartes - I shit therefore I am.
Dianetics (1) - Even shit can make money.
Dianetics (2) - Shit your way to a better life.
Discordianism - This MIGHT be shit, but is instead a fuzzy 1973 Mustang.
Dominicans - Believe in shit, or we'll boil you in it.
Donism - I'm gonna' make ya' a shit you can't refuse.
Dyslexianism - Hits shapnep.
Egoism - I AM the shit!
Egotism - My shit is the only shit that matters.
Empiricism - Shit only happens if I see it happen.
Employerism - This shit is your fault.
Energizer Rabbit - Shit happens... and happens... and happens...
Environmentalism (1) - Recycle this shit.
Environmentalism (2) - Shit happens, but it's biodegradable.
Euphemism - Caca happens.
Evangelism - You need our shit.
Evangelicalism (1) - I can heal people -- but oooonly with the help of yourrrrr shit.
Evangelicalism (2) - God has a wonderful plan for your shit.
Evolution (1) - Shit happens gradually.
Evolution (2) - Shit is getting better all the time!
Existentialism - Shit doesn't happen; shit just is.
Existentialism, General - Your shit is what you make of it.
Existentialism, Sartre - We are defined by our shit happening.
Felinism - Shit happens... bury it.
Feminism - Men are shit.
Finagle's Third Law - The happening of shit tends to a maximum.
The Force - Do not be swayed by the Dark Side of the shit.
Freudianism - Shit happens as a result of repressed sexual urges.
Frisbeetarianism - Shit happens under cars, just out of reach.
Garbagism - I dump your shit.
Geocentrism - Our shit is the center of the cosmos!
Green Peaceism - Save this Shit.
GURPSism - Our shit can happen in any conceivable place or time.
Guruism - The master's shit does not stink.
Hare Krishnaism - Shit happens shit happens shit happens rama rama.
Hedonism (1) - f@@@ that shit; let's party!
Hedonism (2) - This shit is fun!
Heisenbergism - Shit happened, we just don't know where.
Hinduism (1) - This shit happened before.
Hinduism (2) - This shit is not a religion. It is a Way of Life.
Hippyism - Make peace with shit.
Hitchhikerism - The answer to all this shit is 42.
Idealism - That shit's all in your mind.
Illuminism - We make shit happen.
Interrigationism - 'Ve have 'vays of making you shit!
Islam - If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam, Shi'ite - When Shi'ite happens, kill Salman Rushdie.
Islam, Sunni - Why do Shi'ites always happen to us?
Jehovah's Witnesses (1) - No shit happens until Armageddon.
Jehovah's Witnesses (2) - Let me in your house and I'll tell you why shit happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses (3) - Good Morning, I have some shit for you to read.
Judaism - Why does this shit always happen to us?
Judaism, Reformed -Got any Kaopectate?
Jungianism - All shit that happens is an aspect of the archetypical shit generated consensually by the mass subconscious.
Kennedyism - Ask not what your country's shit can do for you, but what your shit can do for your country.
Kierkegaard - This shit is highly improbable; therefore, we should believe it happens.
Martin Luther King, Jr. - I have a shit...
Kinisonism - Ooh-shit happens! Oo-ooooooooooo!
Thomas Kuhn - Shit always happens exactly the way you expect it to.
Libertarianism - Keep your hands off of my shit.
Logical Positivism - Shit = S+H+I+T.
Lutheranism - Catholicism is shit.
Marie Antoinette'ism - If they can't afford bread, why don't they get shit instead.
Marines - It's not just shit, it's an adventure.
Marvin - Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and I can't even shit.
Marxism, Classical - The workers take all the shit, but they're gonna dish it back out again.
Materialism - Whoever dies with the most shit wins.
Mathematicism - Necessary and sufficient conditions for shit to occur are: 1) Shit must exist and be continuous in a domain D 2) No shit must exceed SHIT on the boundary of D.
McCarthyism - Are you now, or have you ever been, a shit?
Josh McDowell-ism (1) - Anyone who investigates the evidence for this shit and doesn't see the truth as plain as day is a nincompoop.
Josh McDowell-ism (2) - Anyone who investigates the evidence for this shit and doesn't agree with me must want to have sexual intercourse outside of marriage.
Mennonite - None of this modern shit now.
Momism - You'll eat this shit and like it!
Moonies - Only happy shit really happens.
Mormonism (1) - Your shit is shit, but our shit is the ONE TRUE shit.
Mormonism (2) - God sent us this shit.
Murphism - Shit always happens at the worst possible time and place.
Narcissism - My shit don't stink.
Native American - This shit is sacred when it happens.
New Age (1) - Why did I happen to create this shit?
New Age (2) - This isn't shit if I REALLY believe it's chocolate.
Newton's First Law - Shit that is happening tends to keep happening.
Newton's Second Law - You have to push to make shit happen.
Newton's Third Law - Every shit that happens has an equal and opposite shit happening.
Neitzscheism (1) - If you're not Ubermenschen, you're not shit.
Neitzscheism (2) - A man without a shit is not a man.
Neitzscheism (3) - Shit is dead!
Nihilism - Everything is shit.
NIMBYism - Your shit's not gonna happen here.
Nixonism (1) - Shit didn't happen, and if it did, I don't know anything about it.
Nixonism (2) - I am not a shit.
Nonsequiturism - Route 176 goes south.
Oat Branism - Your shit will keep happening.
Objectivism - Shit=Shit
Occultism - We eat our shit.
Optimism (1) - That shit won't happen to me.
Optimism (2) - This shit, too, will pass.
Paganism (1) - Shit happens. Accept it.
Paganism (2) - Shit is a part of nature and makes things grow.
Panglossism - This is the best of all possible shits.
Paranoia - Shit happens because it's a plot.
Pascalism - We are just shit. But we are thinking shit.
Patriotism (1) - My shit, right or wrong.
Patriotism (2) - Give me liberty, or give me shit!
Patriotism (3) - Give me shit, or give me death!
Pee-Weeism - You can't arrest me for that shit!
Perotism - We're in deep shit.
Pessimism - That shit is going to happen.
Platonism - There is an ideal shit, of which all the shit that happens is but an imperfect image.
Politically Correctism (1) - Don't call it shit. That's not nice. Call it "Nutritionally-Deprived Output."
Politically Correctism (2) - Nutritionally Corrected Output happens.
Positive thinking - Shit is what you make it.
Pragmaticism - It may be shit, but it works.
Protestantism - Let shit happen to someone else.
Psychology - I can help you deal with the shit that is happening.
PTL Club - Send us your shit.
Quayleism - Shite happense.
Rastafarian (1) - Shit happens, but if it's all right with Jah, it's all right with me.
Rastafarian (2) - Let's roll that shit up and smoke it.
Reaganism - I don't recall if shit happened.
Reaganism, Nancy - Just say, `Shit happens.'
Republicanism - We earned our shit.
Robinism - Holy shit, Batman!
Rousseau - Only natural shit is worth shit.
Schroedingerism - Shit does not happen until you smell it.
Scooperism - If your shit happens here, you gotta pick it up.
Secular Humanism - Shit happens, but there's a rational explanation.
Seventh Day Adventist - No shit on Saturdays.
Shakespeare - To shit or not to shit, that is the question.
Sherlock Holmes - I know where this shit came from.
Shinto - Shit is everywhere. So as long as you're stepping in it, show it some respect.
Skinnerism - If eat then shit.
Socrates - I am shit. But I know I am shit.
Solipsism (1) - All this shit is a creation of my imagination.
Solipsism (2) - The only thing I can be sure of is that my shit happens.
Spockism - The shit of the many outweighs the shit of the few... or the one.
Spockism, Reformed - The shit of the one outweighs the shit of the many.
Dr. Spockism - Encourage your child to make shit happen.
Spoonerism - Hit shappens.
Stalinism - The state treats you like shit.
Stoicism (1) - This shit is good for me.
Stoicism (2) - Shit happens -- deal with it.
Sturgeon's Law - 90% of everything is shit.
Subgenius - Shit happens -- SO WHAT? GIVE ME SOME SLACK!
Surrealism - Shit is shiny and shaped like a Buick.
Taoism - The shit that happens is not the true shit.
Televangelism - Your tax-deductible donation could stop this shit from happening.
Thermodynamics: First Law - The shit that happens cannot be created or destroyed.
Thermodynamics: Second Law - When shit happens, it happens from a place of more shit to a place of less shit.
Thermodynamics: Third Law - Disorder is the inevitable result of shit happening.
Totalitarianism - Shit doesn't happen unless we say so.
Trekkism, The Original Series - To boldly shit where no shit has happened before.
Trekkism, The Motion Picture(s) - This shit is happening again.
Trekkism, The Next Generation - This shit happens again every week.
Trekkism, Deep Space 9 - Shit happens on the other side of the wormhole.
Trekkism, Voyager - Shit happens on the other side of the galaxy.
Twelve-Step Programs - God, grant me the serenity to deal with this shit.
Unitarianism - There's only one shit, but you can have it happen any way you want.
Unix - Shit Happened. Core dumped.
Ursism - Shit happens in the woods.
Utilitarianism (1) - Do that which generates the greatest shit for the greatest number.
Utilitarianism (2) - Let's make the best of this shit.
Vacuum - That shit sucks
Vandalism - I'm gonna wreck this shit!
VMS - Want to make shit happen? No Privilege for Attempted Operation.
Voodooism - Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.
Voyeurism - Look at that shit happening.
Waldoism - Where *is* that little shit?
Xeno's paradox - It's logically impossible for shit to happen.
Yuppieism - It's my shit! All mine!
Zen - What is the sound of one shit happening? PU!
Zoroastrianism - Shit happens half the time.